


A New Murder Method

by Sheogorath



Category: The Elder Scrolls series
Genre: Dark Brotherhood - Freeform, Gen, Humour, M/M, Skyrim - Freeform, oblivion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2012-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-22 17:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/612200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheogorath/pseuds/Sheogorath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When two assassins of the Dark Brotherhood decide to take advantage of state sponsored murder, the results are inevitable! AU all the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Murder Method

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written as a followup to my Sheogorath series, which begins with 'The Strange One'. Despite this, however, it can stand alone.

# A New Murder Method.

To be perfectly honest with you, Sister, I am unsure as to which one of us came up with the plan. However, if I consider it, I believe that it must have been the Listener's idea. Why? Well, when recruits first hear about it, they say that it is quite mad, only changing their minds once they see it put into action, and Sheogorath _is_ the Madgod, after all. You wish to hear what our process is? All right, but the information I am about to give you must go no further, you understand?

Nowadays, being the Listener's Silencer and deputy, I rarely get a contract that involves me killing somebody directly, but when my services _are_ called upon, it is because discretion is required and no hint of the Brotherhood's involvement may be suspected. So I request the aid of my mate, and we travel to the town or city wherein the target resides before the Madgod locates them, then invites them for a tankard of mead or ale. Once both are seated inside the inn or tavern, Sheogorath strikes up a conversation with the other person, plying more and more drink upon them until they are extremely intoxicated, Nords being the most likely to fall for this trick. Then, the moment our target is sufficiently drunk, the Listener offers to escort them home, and they willingly accept His assistance, always inviting Him inside for one last drink. The Madgod makes sure that He is always the second one through the door so He can leave it unlocked for later on, then He pours the drinks, slipping a sleeping potion into the target's vessel as He does so.

As soon as the other person is fast asleep, Sheogorath opens the door and signals me inside so I can carry out my part of that phase of the plan, then I leave the target's house before locking the exterior door with a spell. When our target wakes up the following morning, they have a thick head, a bloody corpse with the host's dagger in its chest or back in the room they fell asleep in, and a need to go to a tavern or inn to pour out their troubles to a stranger. Of course, that stranger is always myself, and I say to he target that they should hand themselves in to the guards, claiming the killing was in self-defence. Naturally, when a person is still reeling from the amount of ale or mead they consumed the previous night, and an innkeeper is willing to testify that the apparent murderer drank far more than the person they left with, it does not take long for the guard to decide that said person was the victim of a drunken rage, and the target soon finds themselves under arrest with their head due for the block the following morning.

How is it that we have never been caught, you ask, Sister? Well, it seems that the Madgod is able to use His Wabbajack spell to change His appearance at will, even to that of other races. Because the Listener is a Daedric Prince, as well as His large magicka reserves that are the result of His arrival on Nirn while the Atronach was in the sky, He is able to cast a transformation spell that will last some time after His death. Also, because He never uses the same change three times or locations in a row, the guards never suspect that the 'murder victim' is resurrected after a few days to become a 'victim of murder' in an entirely different town some months later.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Yes, I did think it likely you would say that, Sister. Let me ask you, do you recall the beheading of Nilsine Shatter-Shield? You do? Well, did you not think it unusual that the body of her 'victim' disappeared before burial? The truth is that the Madgod was resurrected just a little earlier than is usual for Him, and of course He could not be found to be alive. No, that would spoil our whole scheme. So as soon as He could, He fled the crypt He had been laid out in and returned to this Sanctuary.

Well, now you have heard of the Dark Brotherhood's new method of eliminating difficult targets. Do you not now agree that the Night Mother chose wisely when She asked a Daedric Prince to be Her Listener? Ah, but I see that you still doubt my word, Sister. No matter, I have been given a contract to kill Helvard, the housecarl of Falkreath. I will allow you to accompany Sheogorath and I so that you may witness us in action, then you will no longer be able to hold onto your scepticism.

**Author's Note:**

> Copyright © 2012 Romersa's Protégé. Individuals and groups are free to copy and share this work for all purposes except large scale distribution, subject to credit being given and any derivatives being released under the same or a similar licence. All other rights reserved. Produced with permission from Bethesda Softworks.


End file.
